No Control and Poor (I Hate Bureaucracies)
11:18 a.m. on 2005-09-13
What a pain in the ass the past two days have been. On Saturday, I used the wrong card (my debit card) to pay my rent online. I was supposed to use my credit card. I only had $630 in my account, so my $1237 caused a bit of an overdraft. I talked to the bank, and they told me that as long as I got a refund before 4:00pm today, Monday, everything would be fine. So yesterday morning I called my housing office. They told me that since I had paid with a debit card, they would be unable to refund the money. The only option was to get a check in the mail in three weeks! Well, obviously that doesn't work for me. So I was in quite a quandary, because then not only would I get charged the overdraft fee, but I would have no cash at all for the rest of the month. Mike and I are in therapy twice a week, and we have to pay for that and the accompanying babysitter. But with no cash, I had no way to pay for this. I can't use my credit card for that. Cash from a credit card is prohibitively expensive.
My friend who works in the same lab as me offered to lend me the money, and even though it is embarrassing and risky, I took him up on the offer. I will pay him back early October, as soon as my paycheck comes through. So, we walk down to his bank, get out the cash, then walk to my bank. On the way, the power goes out, and I am consequently unable to deposit the money. Then we walk all the way back to our office, and I spent the next hour trying to find a bank that was open that I could get to by 4:00pm, the deadline to prevent the overdraft charges. The phone tellers were just not very helpful, and pretty much tell me that unless I got there, I would get charged. The nearest open bank is in Beverly Hills, but my car was at home, and all the streetlights were out, so there was no way I would make it. Well, at 3:00pm the power came back on, and I was able to walk to the bank and deposit the money.
But I didn't get any work done. I was also exhausted, not to mention that pang of worry that now the power grid is down, the bombings will begin, and I'm five miles away from my family.
So here it is Tuesday, and everyone in my department has to get a new student I.D. card. The deadline is September 30, the same deadline for me to complete my qualifying exam to advance to candidacy. Yes, I'm stressed all to hell. It's $21 if you have a stolen card, $6 if you have a damaged card. So my friend gave me an old de-laminated card, to save me the money. I go to the card office. They tell me that because I am not enrolled in classes (chem grad students don't enroll during the summer), I can't get a card. Fuck, I don't have time for this. I go to my office, enroll, then walk back to the card office. The computers don't have me as enrolled yet. I tell them that they should just be able to call the chemistry department and ask if I'm a student there. It doesn't have to be this difficult! They get the supervisor, who tells me I actually need to get a form signed by the department head. That's not what they told me before! I'm livid and on the verge of tears. I'm so tired of feeling that there is nothing in my control. That I'm screwed regardless of how I try to get things done. And I don't have time to keep walking back and forth.
So I go to my boss's office and cry to her, feeling stupid for crying, but unable to help it, and just wanting her to take care of it, because I just can't function anymore. So she is going to get the form signed, and when it is done I can go back to the card office and finally get my new card. And here it is, 11:15, and I haven't even started work yet, and how can I work when I can't stop crying about all of this?
And this is only one very small part of what is contributing to all of my stress.
But can you believe that not only did my friend Scott lend me the money, but three other people, including my boss, offered to lend me the money as well?
Oh god, I just can't stop crying.
wilting || blooming