Dissatisfaction and More Bad Dreams I had another bad dream last night. I suppose ladiebug and I are in good company. This whole PhD thing is difficult. I feel like in idiot way too often for my comfort. I am frequently tempted to stay home with my kids. I miss them, and they miss me. I have fantasies of all the activities we would do, the good food I would make for them, etc. Why don't I stay home? 1. I have a temper and frequently waste time when I am home, so chances are the environment would not be quite the love fest I imagine it to be. 2. If I quit school there would be no good job to pay off my loans. 3. If I quit school I would have to move, which is fine, but then I have to deal with the fallout from my oldest's father. 4. Maybe I'm just trying to make it easier on myself, and since I am having a hard time I think that staying home would be easier. I know this isn't true, because I've stayed home before and it isn't easy, but I also know it's forgiving of mistakes. Grad school isn't as much. If you spend a couple of weeks laying around the house, your house will be a mess, but you won't have an advisor and fellow students talking shit about you. I need to put my 2 year old to bed now. |