Tonight Sucks So here I am at my sister's house, and I am frustrated. I didn't talk to my sister for a few months, and then she wrote me a letter that made me feel better about why I wasn't speaking to her. So here I am, and we have yet to talk about anything nonsuperficial. How can we, when her 13 year old is up as late or later than she is? How can she ever have any adult conversations? How does she expect us to have any? Maybe she doesn't want to have any. It probably hasn't even crossed her mind. But if I were her, I would certainly like to know why my sister didn't speak to me for months. I would want to hear more than just the little bit of info gained from our mother. Geez. I am also frustrated because nothing is the same here. They don't eat together, they don't do much cooking, they spend almost all of their free time in front of the TV (hours a day, because it's summer), and they don't seem to interact much at all. This is anathema to how I live. In my family, we eat together, we cook meals three times a day, instead of each person just popping something into the microwave when they happen to feel hungry, we eat healthy foods, the kids go to bed by 9 so we can have some adult time, and we interact. I do feel that I don't play with my kids very much. They do play, though, a lot. Here, it seems that they just don't know what to do with themselves without a TV or video games. Tomorrow we are going to my mom's cabin on a lake in OK, and my sister set aside 9 movies for us to take. How long are we going to be there? Wednesday afternoon through Saturday morning. A lot of people would think, "What are you going to do all day when you're out in the middle of the country?" Well, what would you do, if you didn't have any e-devices? Activities. There are hundreds of activities. Some outdoor ones, such as soccer, frisbee, fishing, RC cars, tag, etc. Indoor things to do such as cards, puzzles, drawing, reading, string games (cat's cradle), hide and seek. There will be 9 of us there, enough for some games. And what do all of these things mean? Human interaction, physical activity, mental stimulation. What does the TV give you? I mean really, except for changed beta waves in your brain, similar to what drugs do? Entertain. Keep you occupied for long stretches of time. You might learn a few things. Tonight on TV I saw artificial insemination of horses. Do you know that they have a fake mare for the stallion to mount, who then inserts his penis into an artificial vagina? It's the pocket vagina for horses! I found it very depressing that we've taken away the pleasures of sex from our domesticated animals. And you know they enjoy it, at least some of them seem to. But there are also those females of the species who look so bored as the male is frantically pounding away. Like, geez, what's wrong with this guy? Anyway, I digress. Hopefully you get my point, even if I am being polemical. But what makes it the hardest for me is that I have to drag my kids away from the TV. My oldest two would sit there almost all damned day if I didn't drag them away from it. So, while I am at home I can cook dinner while they play, but it's difficult here because I am busy cooking and can't entertain them, I can tell them no, but since the TV is right smack dab in the middle of living room, and a source of a bunch of noise, they end up drifting right back if I don't stay on them. They can't really get into a pretend game if there is this constant flashing, noisy object going all the time. Ah fuck, and I hear Andreas now. I just spent 45 minutes in the shower due to the above frustrations with having my entire home life pulled out from under me, and also due to my boy not fucking going to sleep. It's so frustrating. Every goddamned night I put him in bed, and stay with him for a bit to snuggle and calm him down. Then I leave. Well, since we've been here he gets up and peeks out the door, turns on the light, plays with my sister's hand weights, and basically fucks off, thinking it's all very funny the whole while. I keep getting up and putting him back in bed. I am very firm with him. So for his naps I've been staying with him until he falls asleep, to prevent this. I decided to do this tonight, because it's worth 20 minutes of my time if I don't have to keep getting up for the next 90 minutes to put the little fucker back in bed. What happens? He and Lisetta lay in bed for 45 minutes, hardly moving, silent, but not going to sleep! It's 9:45 at this point, it's time to put Azaya to bed, and how the fuck am I supposed to get any research done if I can't start work until 10 at night? I am too fucking tired to concentrate on quantum mechanical computation of organic molecules bound to titania. I leave the room, because they seem well on their way to sleep. Well, 15 minutes later or so I hear Little Fucker talking. I march in there, very forcefully put him back in bed, and leave. I don't hear anything for a long while. I think they are actually asleep! But no, at 10:30 I hear a loud noise, and look up to see the light on. I walked in there, but he clicked off the light before I got there. I let that one slide. Not a minute later he does it again, and so I again march in there, and spank his little fucking butt 6 times, and hard, too. Then I shut the door, which causes Lisetta to begin wailing. Fuck them both I say! I'm tired of you and your demands on me! I need a fucking break, and I need it now! Of course, there will still be the other three kids to deal with, but still! Go to fucking sleep! Then Andreas starts calling out for Azaya, who goes in there and comforts, then leaves. They are quiet. I get in the shower. I hear talking. I tell Azaya and my niece to be quiet, because it's so fucking late and I can't stand the sound of children's voices any more. Then my sister comes in and tells me that Lisetta has moved into bed with my oldest niece, and Andreas moved into bed with Azaya. I just want to FUCKING SCREAM. I am so goddamned frustrated. I have tried spanking. I have tried nice words. I have tried staying with them until they fall asleep, but I didn't have the stamina to lay in bed for over an hour waiting. I can't stand feeling helpless, it is a surefire way to make me cry, and so I spent almost my entire shower bawling my eyes out. Then I get out, put on my jammies, and then crawl into my empty bed with my lappy to relax. Two seconds later, I hear Andreas. I stopped writing this for a moment to drag his sorry ass back into my room, turned off the light, and resumed typing. But I don't like typing with no other light on in the room. It's fucking with my eyes. And you know what else about it? Tomorrow they will wake up at 7:45 as always, but grouchy as hell due to lack of sleep, and they will make my life a living hell all day tomorrow because of it. Today I also spent hours paying bills and working out some money issues. That also made my day shitty. Right before I left town I found a car insurance bill that didn't look paid, and it was due May 25. Fuck. Surely I paid it, right? Well, no, I didn't, and our car insurance was canceled on June 26. Thanks for the notice, fuckers. Other than that one bill, I had gotten nothing at all from them. But it's not their fault, of course. But now, we have to rewrite our policy, which means we lose our persistency deduction, $22 every six months. Throwing money away. AGGGHHHHH |