Missing Mike, and He's Not Yet Gone! Today I was in the laundry room with Lisetta. One of our neighbors came in. He has a young daughter, about 1 year old. Lisetta asked him if Santa had given Isabella anything in her stocking. The guy said that she got a bag of switches so they could beat her, because she was so bad. He was completely straightfaced when he said this. I just don't think you say this to a 4 year old. Lisetta completely believed him, and asked me later why she didn't get any presents. Maybe the guy doesn't celebrate Christmas, maybe he even hates it. But that's no reason to tell small children fucked up stories. People seem to think that they can say whatever they want to kids, and it doesn't matter, but kids don't understand sarcasm, and they believe what you say to them. Cody used to tell Azaya really mean things, and I was shocked, but then he would say he was kidding, as if that made a difference to Azaya. Bah. I made wild mushroom risotto for Christmas dinner. It was pretty good, albeit a bit overdone. Mike is leaving in two days to go to Colorado for 10 days. This will be the third time this year that he is leaving us for more than 10 days, and frankly I miss the crap out of him every time. It sucks. He left the first time for two weeks, and I went to Texas to see my family. I swore we would not spend so much time apart again. I was miserable without him. His dad wants him to fly out to help him do some work. So Mike's sister is flying here to take care of the kids while I work. It seems to me that his family thinks nothing at all of taking my husband away from his family, and they don't understand why it would be an issue. I'm nervous about it though. First I wouldn't ask anyone in my family to come do work for me, disrupting their lives. I know that they are providing child care for us, so my work isn't interrupted, but geez, it's not the same at all. I have no idea what kind of babysitter Christina is and my children don't know her at all. I don't either, for that matter. So she'll be here, and I will have to leave for 9 hours and hope for the best. I also have to make sure all the grocery shopping is done, because she can't drive a standard. Second, Mike's parents frequently spent vast amount of time away from each other all in the name of work. Financially it made sense, but now their marriage is not one of love, and they are welcome to have intimate relationships with others. I don't think that spending time away from each other so much is good for a marriage. I miss Mike terribly when he's gone, but somehow that doesn't seem important to them. It's selfish of me to want to keep Mike here, when they could really benefit from his help. It's two completely different mentalities. I just don't think your children are responsible at all for helping you with your work. Once you are old your children should take care of you, but you are an adult and your kids shouldn't have to go out of their way to work with you! Mike never gets to relax when he visits; he works all fucking day and is completely exhausted at night. If he's going to be gone from me for so long, I at least want the comfort of knowing that he is getting some rejuvenation and time with his family! He should be skiing and getting good food. I suppose I would feel better if there were some acknowledgment that this isn't something that Mike is required to do, that we are doing them a favor, and that they should be grateful instead of pissed if he can't make it. All I hear from Mike is that his dad was upset when Mike couldn't come work over Thanksgiving, because he went to his aunt's funeral in Italy. Mike tells me again and again that his dad really wants him to come out and work. Well, quit fucking putting so much pressure on my husband. Mike wants to help his parents, and they probably recognize that he is easy to guilt trip because of it, so they keep pushing for him to come back home and work. They were never happy about his being with me; his mother forbade Mike to see me. And ever since then, they just keep trying to get him to go back home, believing that his obligation to them hasn't ended, and I'm selfish for ever keeping him here. Do they want Mike, or do they want a good worker? They just don't seem to take good care of him when he's there. They don't understand that he doesn't do manual labor all day every day at home, and that it is fucking hard for him to just do that all of a sudden. They don't let him sleep in. If he wants to spend a day on the slopes, he feels guilty because his dad is at home working away. Ugh. I don't necessarily think that his family doesn't care about these things, or that they feel the way that it seems that they do. I don't really know, because I don't really talk to them. They hate me, and his mother does what she can to insult or make fun of me or make me uncomfortable during every conversation. But I do know that I am not looking forward to being apart from Mike for so long yet again, so soon after he came back from Italy. Maybe it's selfish, but I can't help that I will miss him a lot. It means very much to me that someone loves me so much. It scares me to think that I will lose it, and when he's gone it's losing it temporarily. I always stay up way too late. There is no warm man to snuggle with, to rest my head on, to slip my head under the covers and have a little snack... |