Topics I have many topics that I want to write about. They come to mind every once in awhile. One huge theme will be the loss of my two younger children. They left me/were taken from me in 2015 after a long campaign by their father and grandmother to turn the children against me, to view me as worthless except for what I can pay, and to reject that there is any reason at all to know me, to believe that I am harmful. It wasn't so hard for them to do, because they used my mental illness against me. They used dishonesty, brainwashing, manipulation, and gaslighting. I realize I sound like I'm trying to pass off blame and be dramatic. But I'm telling the truth. And in my entries you will see the proof. I am going to publish everything. There will be no secrets at all. I will show the writings of Mike, my ex-husband, to show you the lies. You don't have to believe me. I don't care. I know that likely the only people who really believe me are my mother and my deceased father. It's a special thing to have such people. Read the documents, the screenshots, and decide for yourself. It really makes no difference to me anymore. I am tired of judging everything I do or say or decide because there might be something wrong with it. There is plenty wrong with me, plenty. But I try to do the right thing, I'm smart, and I try to consider all the important factors when making decisions, but everything turns bad. So why bother agonizing so often, especially when I know it will all end up wrong no matter what? I will keep trying to do my best, as always. This blog is my place to have my say. The world is full of people who don't care for me. I've been mistreated at two psychiatric hospitals. I've had the courts, child support services, my psychiatrist, social workers, and my lawyers all agree that my children are better off without me. But I disagree with them. I have been deeply slandered and misrepresented. Truly vicious, egregious, unforgivable lies have been said about me. I will prove it. No one will be able to remove this proof until Andrew does it. They won't be able to, because every single thing I write will be the truth, so legal in every way. I will not put words in Mike's, Lisetta's, or Andreas's mouths. You will read their words as they wrote them. I recorded everything. Every written communication from ever. Every document is saved. Every date is recorded. The argument is air tight. But no one has been interested in seeing it. They don't care. They just know I'm bad, so Mike's abuse is meaningless. Why is it wrong to hurt a piece of shit like me? I'll tell you why. Because even people like me have human rights. I don't deserve to be lied about. I don't deserve to be abused. Maybe not everyone believed Mike fully; my psychiatrist realized that Mike also lied to him. But they believed enough to agree that it was not worth putting forth any effort to save my relationship with my children. They agreed that it was ok what Mike did, that it wasn't psychologically abusive for him to destroy our relationship. It was. So now our relationship is destroyed. The last time I saw Andreas and Lisetta was in April. I don't think I will ever see them again. In the world, I lose. I'm a loser. I accept it. I know that I am wrong while they are right. But I still have my inner voice, my own personal beliefs, and my own perspective. And here is where I will express it. I will not open comments on my page, because I get feedback and comments all the time in my real life that show me how awful I am. I don't need more. Another topic will be more historical. There are certain stories I would like to convey, certain memories I have that I like and would like to record. My great-great-great-grandmother Meta Bunge recorded her life, and I imagine I would like to do the same. That's enough for now. I'm sleepy. |