Clarifying image uploads and reasons for records I'm not able to update my profile. I have not received a response from Andrew regarding image upload limits. I'm going to hold off upgrading for now. I want to have some way to permanently link pictures. I can use my iCloud account to link to them, and so long as they are under the 5 GB free iCloud allowance, they should stay permanent so long as iCloud links are valid. Diaryland has been around for about two decades now, and it does seem Andrew is committed to keeping it up, so that's reassuring. I don't worry about my entries; I just worry about the images. I do suppose that pretty much everything I want to keep record of could be copied and pasted in, eliminating the need for pictures. I still have some thinking to do. I'm also really ashamed and that makes it hard to discuss these things. I am sure only select family and friends believe me. I'm sure I sound like a drama queen. But I just can't care anymore, not when caring means that my voice will never be heard. What will happen after I die if Lisetta or Andreas want to know my side of things? The only way they will know is by reading what I have left behind on social media or if someone gives to them the court documents and my diaries, which is unlikely to happen because I doubt that either one of them would contact my family after I die to get these documents. It would be much easier for them if they can simply look me up online to find everything. And it isn't even just my side of things. It's also the information contained in their chats with me and between me and Mike. I want them to be able to see it all. I wish that they could remember how our life was like together, but Lisetta moved out just after she had turned 13 and Andreas moved out aged 11. I don't think they will remember anything other than the imagination Mike has instilled in them. It makes me really sad. I remember reading to them, having bedtime snuggles, our little goodnight kisses and sayings, playing games with Andreas, watching Lisetta sleep with her arms straight above her head, caring for them when sick, the meals I cooked, the daily, weekly, and seasonal rhythms. It's all gone except for what remains in my memories, the memories of my family and friends who were there, and in some pictures. I don't think Lisetta nor Andreas remember much of anything. They just know I am bad, all bad, and there is no reason at all to ever speak with me because I have nothing good to offer, and I only want to destroy their lives. That's what they've told the authorities, in any case. It doesn't get any easier or any better. |