Go to sleep already! Oh shit I'm about to fucking lose it. I know that feeling right before I lose it, and it's tingling through my body right now. I put the kids to bed by 8:10, and they are still all fucking awake still two hours later, and I'm livid. Andreas has been crying for over 30 minutes now. Why the fuck does it take them so fucking long to go to sleep? I can't relax until they do. I don't like doing the dishes until after they are asleep, because otherwise the kitchen light shines in on them, so the dishes are still piled up. I wanted to work in Quicken on our financial situation, but I can't fucking concentrate on that with Andreas crying, because it makes me so fucking crazy I'm just trying to distract myself. I don't want to go in there and lie down next to him, because even though I know it will work, I shouldn't fucking have to do that! I put him down two fucking hours ago complete with nursing and cuddling, and then he decides he wants to fucking play instead of go to sleep, so I tell him to knock it off and he expects more love and cuddles? No way! I am resentful as all hell for his wasting two fucking hours of my relax with no children time. And now I should fucking go to sleep since Azaya has to get up so damned early for school, but I don't want to because he just fucking stopped crying, and I am ready for my relax, do the dishes, eat some sorbet time to myself. The little fucker ruined it. And Azaya pitched a little fit when I told her she had to sleep in her own bed. Well, that's too fucking bad, but I told you guys it was time to sleep, and if you don't obey deal with the consequences, but don't come bitching to me about it. Ahhhh... sweet silence. Too bad I'm too riled up now to enjoy it. And I've got to go into work tomorrow, but I really don't want to at all. What a fucking waste of my time. I found out I'm teaching this winter, and the request forms for what you want to teach are due tomorrow. Great. I fucking hate teaching. Hate it hate it. I hate it when I get asked questions I don't know off the top of my head, I hate it when they don't give a fuck, I hate how it's a complete waste of my time, and gets me no research done whatsoever. It slows me down considerably with my work. I can pretty much guarantee that I will get no research done next quarter at all, because I will have to spend all of my time teaching and learning the material myself, because god knows I don't know basic chemistry. I forgot all of it, and never learned it in the first place for the most part. I might as well have started grad school after getting my degree in economics, because that is how much chemistry I knew going into it. So I get to spend the next quarter feeling like an idiot as all my coworkers talk about how they never get asked questions they don't know the answers to, and that is not my reality, and wasting my time teaching a bunch of kids who care nothing for learning, when I could be learning shit for my own research. I hate teaching! I hate not being able to get out of it. I hate feeling helpless, and my crying kids and being forced to teach all had up to lots of negative emotions. |