Tired I can't believe how shitty this day as been. I cried all morning, then the rest of the time I've been really bitchy. What can I expect? My ear gradually filled up as last night wore on, and I woke up with a nice ear infection in addition to the strep throat. Great. Yesterday evening I was actually feeling a little bit better, as if the strep was losing its hold on me. So, I was a little bit more optimistic about the kind of day my daughter and I would have, stuck together at home as we are (noone wants us over due to the possibility of catching strep from me). However, the pain of my ear infection made the day hell. I just want to sleep. Only 15 more minutes or so, then I can get her ready for bed. Oh, to be in bed. I can't wait until I feel better. It's too bad that her father is out of town, because at least she would have gotten a Thanksgiving that way. Oh the shittiness of it all. I hate my stupid life. Lame lame lame. What kind of white trash gets pregnant at 19, then keeps the kid, so that she will have to deal with a mentally unstable mother? A fucked up piece of shit, that's what. She could have it so much better, but no, I was so attached I couldn't possibly have given her up to a close, loving couple. Do you ever have that feeling when you burp with an ear infection, that causes a lot of pain? Not an audible burp, but that silent kind that just puts way too much pressure in the ear. I hate that. For what am I thankful this Thanksgiving? My family loves me, even if they are far away. My daughter is pretty cute, even if she is a spoiled brat. It's my fault she's that way anyway. If she had a decent mother she would be better. I'm thankful I have a heated house with warm running water and a fridge to keep my food cold. I am thankful I have anthroposophical medicince to help my body get better without the use of horrible antibiotics and drugs of that sort. Yes, I'm more miserable in the short term, but healthier in the long term. Except for my food allergies, for which I am NOT thankful. I am also thankful for M, even though he had to be with his family today instead of being with me. Well, I'm sure he'll feel bad that I spent the morning crying from pain, and that will make up for the fact that he wasn't here, as shitty as it is for me to think that. I'm just mad that he couldn't come over at all. Of course, if he didn't live 45 minutes away I'm sure he would have. Just let me vent without making me feel guilty, all right? Geez. Enough already. When I next feel good I'll let you know. I don't too often with my pitiful shitty life. |